Right now I'm in my late 20's, and I've been driving for as long as is legally allowable where I live. Since age 16, I have owned my own vehicle as well. So that's well over ten years, certainly enough time to form a fairly solid opinion on what I believe is the worst type of passenger. So, what is the worst type of passenger? Well, beyond a feral dog, it's those without a license or even the ones who do have a license and have never owned their own car. Yes, these types of passengers are in fact slightly worse than having a feral dog loose in your car. Want to know why? Read on...

After more then ten years of driving, I have a short list of the tendencies and behaviors that makes these the worst possible passenters, and what you can do to help them become more courteous passengers and maybe even to help them lead better, more fulfilling lives.

Problem 1: The amazingly hardcore door slam. The door, where all the window glass is, a panel generally packed with electronics for power mirrors, window mechanism, locks, and possibly many other things. Bringing this up with the door-slamming passenger generally only leads to confusion, so the only way to help them at this point is to teach by example.

Solution: Go to their residence and slam some things around: their things, not their parents'. If they ask what you're doing, act like you don't know what they're talking about and then switch to acting like they're making a mountain out of a molehill. Throw in a "you're being insane" kind of a laugh. Yeah, so I just smashed your grandma's antique vase: what's the big deal?

Problem 2: Compulsively opening and closing windows. Why is this a problem? Well, in the summer if the A/C is going, it's just going to warm up the car and compound the financial burden of putting gas in your ride due to increased wind resistance and demand on the A/C. Plus it's just annoying for a passenger to have that much control over your shared environment. The winter presents a similar but opposite problem with regard to temperature control. Even worse, if the window is frozen into the track and the passenger is hammering on the button burning out the very expensive and annoying to replace window mechanism.

Solution: Use your window locks in a car equipped with power windows. Yes, on many models, you as the driver can very easily lock the windows directly from your seat. When the passenger tries the locked windows and the switch does nothing they will in most cases start whining. This is a great opportunity to confront them with a "What? It's summer/winter (or frozen), why would you open it up and let all that nasty weather in?" as well as another "you're being insane" laugh. You can also alway go to their house and throw open the windows, letting in whatever climate they are trying to keep out with their furnace or A/C. You have once again given this person a valuable life lesson, and they are now forever in your debt.

Problem 3: Messing with your settings. You're the driver, you have everything dialed in to your specifications. The thermostat is where you want it and the fan is set to make sure the windshield is clear because you're genuinely concerned in the safety and well being of not only the people in your car, but that of people in the other cars as well. You don't need someone twiddling with the settings because they're not at their perfect temperature, because now the window is foggy and you can't see out of it.

Solution: slam on the brakes and tell them to enjoy their walk. Done. Severe, like a car crash. You could always wait for the "but I'm cold/hot" to which a well-placed "wow" is the perfect response. Now they're whimpering: they don't want to walk! Your point has been made, you both win as they won't try this in their future boss's or in-laws' car. Expect a gift basket in the mail.

Problem 4: Ever had your car broken into? It really sucks, like tons. Broken locks are usually the best-case scenario, broken windows are generally the worst. Either way, you're going to have a mess to clean up and insurance hassles to deal with and/or potentially crippling out-of-pocket expenses to repair the damage. That said, we often get our non-driving passengers are frequently incapable of understanding why leaving their valuables in view on the dash, seats or floor is a bad idea, or why the futile and vastly pathetic act covering a big object with an expensive jacket does not deter anyone. That last one specifically makes it more inviting to break in. In this case you're probably going to ask them to put the item in the trunk or take it with them as you don't want to get broken into. I find the average response is "can't I just leave it there?" because your reasoning of not wanting to be broken into strikes them as paranoid or just stupid. Or "nobody will want that," because they know the mind of a desperate meth-addict, right?

Solution: advise them tht since their item will not catch the attention of any thieves, and the owner prefers to leave it at the car, they are welcome to leave it on the ground beside the car. Now everyone is happy, and soon your friend will have fewer items cluttering up their lives, making their next move all the easier.

Problem 5: Inability to wait while the car warms up. If you live somewhere that gets winter, ice, snow, frost, you know you will have to let your car warm up before you drive it. Your passenger has now assumed that you are unable to feel temperatures and will use a combination of whining and begging to encourage you to start driving now with the cold engine and frosted windows.

Solution: suggest they provide the transport next time as you have the type of vehicle that needs to warm up. If they respond that this is impossible for them then act surprised and say "guess we'll have to wait while this one warms up them". Good on you, did not compromise your ethics or your vehicle. This has taught them respect, and reminded them that certain things, like your car, are more important than your friendship. A little humility is good for everyone.

Problem 6: Sitting on, leaning on, piling stuff on, or leaning things on your car. This is a no-brainer, and guaranteed to make your skin crawl if you've ever cared anything about your car. Damaged paint not only leads to rust, lowered resale, etc, but seeing your finish harmed is like having your own flesh gouged. Many passengers will respond with "oh, sorry" and try to act like they don't understand why this is wrong.

Solution: place a very full beverage without a coaster on their laptop, heirloom piano, or high-end electronic device. When they react say "oh, sorry" and do a mock confused act like you don't understand why this is wrong. They will now be respectful of people's things and this may be the only thing in the future that prevents them from causing over ten grand in damage to a thirty million dollar painting such as Denver's Carmen Tisch famously did recently.

Of course, you could always of course do nothing, suck it up, allow your car to be damaged, and decide you don't mind being treated like a doormat. But would this have done anything to help your passenger learn and grow as a human being? No, clearly it would not. This is why you owe it to your fellow humanity to be psycho about your car.